it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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