i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
