Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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