I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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