OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
