my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
