The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
