Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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