i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
