She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
