oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
