On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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