Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
