no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
