I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You ruined the universe
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
