well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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