Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
