she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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