So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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