Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
