Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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