just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
