And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
