Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
