I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
