How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
