Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
