I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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