Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
