apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
