Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize