Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
