Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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