this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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