the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
