I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
