News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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