So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
