I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
