i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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