When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
