what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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