I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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