I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize