Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
two words...techno handjob
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize