I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
