I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
