One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
