what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
