Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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