i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
