And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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