so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize