I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
