I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
