you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
