I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
