I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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