AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
