He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
