hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
