Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
