420 ftw
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Text me some of your sweat
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