i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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