...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
