I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
