its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
