I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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