I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize